Being helpful is a notable Christian trait, though something we often carry to excess. Even more so for mission workers. We care, and we hope to change things. We see people hurting and our compassion drives us to improve things for them. We want to solve problems. We want to make things better. We need to see healing. It’s a trap we can easily fall into. One of the hardest things for compassionate people to do is sit and watch someone struggle with pain, confusion and need.
Yet as we learn the skills involved in counselling, mentoring, coaching and pastoral care, we discover that we are not there to solve the problem. We are there to encourage, assist and if necessary equip our client to solve their own problems. Doing it for them disempowers them, and does not help them develop resilience and problem-solving skills to use the next time they face a challenge. At worst, it can deprive them of an opportunity to be driven to rely solely on God for their comfort and sustenance in the midst of their difficulties.
So we learn to sit on our hands, bridle our tongues, and let people do it for themselves. It is in fact much kinder and more helpful for us to do this, because people grow as they tackle the challenges they face. And though the problems may not go away, they might find the consolation of God in the middle of them.
We all know that Job’s friends are a good example of what not to do. They offered advice, criticism, theology and rebuke, all to no avail. Their words made no difference to Job, and in the end God criticised them for their approach. But what we often overlook is the small bit of information at the end of chapter 2 – they just came and sat with him for 7 days! (Job 2:11-13). They grieved with him, they cried with him, but said nothing. Sometimes our presence is more helpful than our words. The traditional English response to crisis of putting the kettle on may in fact be far more effective than our many words of wisdom and helpful actions. Often people don’t need help, they just need company on their journey. Companionship and company are a good place to start. Who can you offer those to this week?
Blog post first published on syzygy.org.uk on 11th February 2019.
The views expressed in this blog post are personal to the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the GC network.